Fear and Loathing in Long Island

This chick = a huge art appreciator.  I also love to draw and paint.  Problem?  I’m not that good.

I don’t want to come across as self deprecating, or a person who is fishing for compliments either!  Let’s be clear on this.

As a result I allow my fears of not being the best take over and ruin all of my fun.  I literally stopped enjoying painting and drawing for enjoyment because of the frustration I would feel.  Shame on me.

This year I am getting over my self-conscious nature and taking the plunge.  I have accepted that fact that being the best is not needed to play kickball, do art, blog, run, or anything else.  This past summer I have intentionally challenged myself and my fears every single day and I have been pleasantly surprised.

Last night we played our last kickball game of the season- yes I belong to an adult kickball league.  We lost the game 6-7 against an amazing team.  Before signing up I thought about joining the team way too hard.  What if I’m not good enough? What if I miss the ball? What if I get pegged? What if…what if…what if.  Guess what- I missed the ball, I got pegged, I kicked fly balls that got caught. I also caught a few, got on base many times, pegged a girl (sorry I’m not sorry), and bonded with many new friends that I adore and never would have met if it wasn’t for getting over my fears and signing up.  The simple act of joining a kickball team changed my outlook on so many things.  The league ended yesterday and I’m going to miss those crazy people I spent every Tuesday with in both a Spring and Summer league.

For being such an extrovert, I have so many fears that I have allowed to paralyze me for way too long.

This brings me to homework. dundundun.  I am currently enrolled in a post-masters art class.  I’m not quite sure how this applies to my degree, but I’m really enjoying it while simultaneously hating the fact that I am 25, have a masters, and I’m still somehow doing tedious homework.

One of my assignments was to analyze this quote and the artist who said it.

Life is merely a fraction of a secondAn infinitely small amount of time to fulfill our desires, our dreams, our passions.” -Paul Gauguin

How apropro to the theme I have going on.  I will be honest and tell you that I literally copy/pasted this guy and made some slight modifications adding on some analysis on Gauguin.  I’m such a bad student, I know.  But these are the quotes that make me think.  I want to live a life of passion- why should I allow ridiculous fears stop me from pursuing my goals? Side note- turns out Gauguin really lived up that quote by abandoning his wife and children in Europe to move around South America. Gauguin would eventually be sentenced to three months in prison, but died due to syphilis before the start of his prison sentence. Rumors circulated about his relations with pre-pubescent girls, many of whom were his subjects.

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Another assignment that I have been working on is about the Fauvist art movement.

Let’s hear from the Metropolitan Museum of Art on what this movement is…

Fauvism was the first of the avant-garde movements that flourished in France in the early years of the twentieth century. The Fauve painters were the first to break with Impressionism as well as with older, traditional methods of perception. Their spontaneous, often subjective response to nature was expressed in bold, undisguised brushstrokes and high-keyed, vibrant colors directly from the tube. 

Awesome- see how much easier it is to not reinvent the wheel.

New assignment for class?  Draw, paint, color, whatever, a fauvist self portrait or write about the movement.  I looked at this as an opportunity.  And voila!  Here I am in a supremely odd fauvist self portrait.

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And if you want to know the truth- I don’t care if you think it is good or bad.  This was some serious therapy!

Your homework for tonight?  Make a fauvist self portrait.  Thank me later.

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7 thoughts on “Fear and Loathing in Long Island

  1. Don’t worry everyone hates their own stuff. You can draw people better than i’ll ever be able to. My people come out all cartoony no matter what. If you like it keep it up. There have been times where i’m so ready to give up. Just keep a crackin! Post em on instagram so I can see em!

  2. I am so glad you somehow stumbled upon my blog… because in turn I followed yours… and then I saw this post. I have my B.A. in Art History and Studio Art. It’s always a pleasure to find another art lover. And the best thing about art is that you can make it your own, and whatever you want it to be. Art is subjective. You can see what you want in it. So keep on being an artist…

    • Yes! That’s so true, but as subjective as it is, I can’t help but to be critical of my own work! Hence why I’m on a mission to flip my own perceptions around. Also, if you have any writings on cubism, fauvism, Degas, or poems based on Monet feel free to send them my way! The joys of continuing my education…

  3. Pingback: Girls Night | 52 Miles per Month

    • Hi Pete! Thanks for stopping by! I love how kids are fearless in all of their endeavors… When do you think we lose that?! This is my year to get over my myself and my insecurities! In the end, I really enjoyed taking the time and doing this project so it was all worth it.

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