Why it’s Better that I was a Jewish Child

The title is implying a lot of things, so I’ll just cut to the chase and tell you what I mean before you ruffle your feathers. I mean, I’m annoying. I say that as I begin this post from bed at 7 in the morning when there is absolutely no reason to be awake.

John has a little saying he thinks is adorable, that makes me want to punch him when Talia’s up everyone is up! It’s been a sickness since I was a child. Do I mean for it to happen, no, but I’m restless and laying around or sleeping in seems like I just lost a huge portion of my day. So, I get up. And I start doing things. Or bothering people.

You may be thinking to yourself, and so what does this have to do with you being Jewish?

Some of you may have been that child, some of you may have that child. I’ll give you a familiar scenario, you are sleeping, I am not. I tip toe out of my bedroom because I’m bored, duh. Now, I open your door because there is no such thing as privacy once I’m born, and I creep over to the end of your bed so I can awkwardly stare at you. You don’t notice me. I must get closer so I move to a key spot and now, I’m closer to your face and blatantly staring at you while you sleep just waiting for you to notice me and get up.

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Oh, hey, don’t worry about me, whenever you’re ready to get up just let me know.

I’m sure if I was an adorable puggle, such as the photo I borrowed from google depicts, that would have worked better, but it worked fairly well most of the time, perseverance pays off, mom! And the next thing I knew I had a playmate and someone to hang out with in the wee hours of a weekend morning!

Now imagine that exact scenario on Christmas. I can only fantasize about the terror of a child I would have been had I been born Christian and it was christmas morning. I may not be here today.

Mom, mom, mom, mom… Santa brought… Mom. I heard him. Wake up. Mom.

So mazel tov to me for staying alive all of these years. Now, as I sit around waiting for friends to get up I have a better grasp on what’s appropriate and what’s not. Text message your friends. If they don’t answer, they’re sleeping. Bother your boyfriend, he will love you no matter what.

But seriously, I want to open presents. Get up everyone!

And don’t let me forget, as I’m all wrapped up (pun intended) in my own nostalgia…

Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for letting me share in the culture of Christmas! And making it socially acceptable to wake up earlier than usual.

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