What’s your sign?

I’m a Scorpio. I don’t wholeheartedly believe in all that hoo-ha-mumbo-jumbo astrological stuff, but isn’t it fun?! If there is any truth in astrology, that means I am strong-willed, trust worthy, ambitious, intuitive… jealous, resentful, manipulative… Maybe it is all true.

Don’t I sound lovely?

I understand how this has little to do with working out, so let me explain. I was in class yesterday, waiting to be signed in, when a woman swooped around me and scanned in before I could. I was astonished and my face must have said it all because the woman at the front desk looked at me and said, “patience really is a virtue.” I wondered if she was hinting to me to take a breath deep, or if she was making fun of a visibly rude encounter that happened before YOGA. Manhattan and buying a train ticket, I understand cutting in line, YOGA CLASS? Wait your turn, lady! At that moment I felt the burning sensation of my scorpio-ness, but I ignored the wrath reminding myself to breath deep and ommmmm.

Class was packed.

The woman in front of me actually moved her mat even more in front of me. This is a no-no in Bikram because in this class you are encouraged to have a stare down with yourself for the whole class. How can I check myself out when this lady is blocking my flow? Two first timers plopped behind me- thirteen year old girls. I commend anyone that takes on Bikram yoga, especially young people because we all know working out gets much harder with age. I just don’t want them near me in class. I know- I’m generalizing and I’m mean. To further this dialogue, I want to encourage everyone to come to Bikram yoga. That being said, it is 105 degrees. If heat makes you dizzy and you do not enjoy sweating bullets, this is not the workout for you. This is the same animosity I feel towards people when they freak out that there are sharks in the ocean. It is an ocean- the sharks home. YOU KNOW THIS STUFF. A hot yoga studio is exceptionally hot and if you can’t handle the heat either lay down or never come back to the kitchen.

Tell me how you really feel about this?

These two adorable little girls became my mortal enemies as they chatted with each other, stared at each other, one left for a little while, the other rolled around on her mat during savasana. When she laid her hair and arms onto my mat I had enough and actually let out an audible “hmppptpfftttt.” I was actually embarrassed by my own behavior, it’s as though my scorpion emotions got the best of me and I let my blood boil up to my head and come straight out of my ears. It was then that the teacher had me move my mat- yes, I had to change seats in class. I am officially a real student.

At the end of class everyone clapped for the newbies. I pretended to clap since I was still secretly bitter. Because my friends, here is the truth, I’m a scorpio, and scorpios hold onto grudges.


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