Sukhasana.

Sukhasana means simple seat or easy pose- how amazing is it? See. You can do yoga too. 

Truth be told- I haven’t practiced in months. Since it’s easier than having personal accountability, I’m going to place the blame on lupus.

Lupus got me down in the dumps- to keep this light. Lupus made me feel weak and it made me forget what brings me peace. When friends asked if I wanted to attend a yoga class, I said no. The reason? One thing that I know to be true about finding a dedication to yoga is that it forced me to reflect. Not going to yoga was for no better reason than the fact that I didn’t want to think about my feelings.

Depressed. It’s an icky word that we don’t like to talk about, but lupus will do that. Do I have your attention now? Why does that word provoke a genuine curiosity? Hearing that someone is depressed creates a mixture of equal parts fascination, equal parts pity. Recently, in a lupus group I’m a part of someone asked: Do you struggle with depression or anxiety? The discussion evolved into a chicken or egg conversation. Lupus will make you fatigued. Lupus will make you inexplicably weak. It will make you struggle to find the words to ask “where are my keys,” because your brain legitimately can’t string together a sentence. It causes physical pain. It requires sacrifice.

I couldn’t go to yoga and face this obstacle. I couldn’t face it by myself, I didn’t want to talk about it with others, and I sure as hell wasn’t about to breakdown on the mat. And then my friend invited me to her new yoga class. And I genuinely wanted to be there and present, not only for her but for myself. I craved what yoga provided me with for years- sheer joy.

photo 1.JPGAs I found myself back on the mat and laying in savasana I made deal with myself to continue my practice.

To keep this vow, this morning I pulled out my mat, got cozy on my floor, and stumbled upon Yoga With Adriene through her YouTube channel.

photo 3.JPG

Title: Day 1 Practice Ease. And as she spoke, and preached her mantra: find what feels good, I decided I can get behind this. Today I practiced for 30 minutes. It was slow, full of ease, and she left me with something I need to make my own mantra:

In yoga, we cultivate the good space. The more we practice moving this way on the mat, the more we will move this way off the mat. 

Having lupus requires daily effort, but it’s my fight and I don’t quit. Life is complex, but find yourself and your purpose within it – even if you get lost or distracted. Today, as I laid in savasana and found ease, I also found a piece of my heart that I misplaced along the way.

 

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10 thoughts on “Sukhasana.

  1. this blog made me so very proud of you,not that i already wasnt already proud.there was maturity and self awareness.you may not be able to completly conquer this illness but i have no doubt tmat you and others like you will not allow it to dominate your lives.you are not only an insperation to people with lupus,you inspire others to reach into themselves and fight harder each day so that they can have a day fulfilling for themselves and for those whom theymay touch.

  2. I feel like you and I are a lot alike! Thank you for sharing this post about yoga. I have been turning things (yoga, workouts, running) because I rationalize that they are too hard or challenging for me right now as I struggle with my symptoms and flares… I need to get over myself and just try. Please continue to inspire. ❤️

  3. lupus sucks. i can’t keep up with yoga too. sigh, it’s been on my to-do list, my first goal is to go once a month to the local yoga school. i went a few weeks ago, it felt good. i do try to do my own short session in my room… but will definitely check out this Yoga with Adrienne.
    i love your leggings! and pug! haha 🙂

    • I love pugs! Leggings included 🙂
      Sometimes with my lupus, as I’m sure you know, I feel so limited physically. Having the privacy of practicing in my own home is wonderful. I have the ability to pause the class and take my time if necessary. I’m on day 12 and I’ve been able to do every day. Because her classes are 30 minutes and I have the luxury of being in my home I find it doable. In the past I was taking 1hr+ classes and I can’t make that a regular thing for me right now in my life. Hoping you are able to find some yoga in your life!

      • I will get there! Thank you for sharing. Yes, the yoga class that i love to attend near my house is held in the evenings, classes are almost always run for 1 hour or longer. I have to really plan my whole week to be able to set aside enough energy to do it. I will try your suggestions; needs to rearrange space in my room too for this 🙂

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