Boring People.

I call myself lazy all of the time- this is usually as I’m sprawled out on the couch, phone by my side, iPad on lap, TV blaring Shahs of Sunset, or some other garbage Emmy Award deserving show that I’m not so secretly obsessed with. I’m not actually a lazy person by nature, but sometimes, in these moments, I feel like I could exist on a downward spiral of Bravo forever and be perfectly content. In other moments I’m zipping around the house, restless: Where are we going? What are we doing? I’m bored. I’m bored. I’m bored!

Please, universe, do not give me a child like myself.

I’m probably not too alone in the conundrum of the do everything and the do nothing person- but it’s exhausting. Can’t I just be balanced? It’s when an entire day has passed me by and someone says: “So what’s new?!” And suddenly, I feel like the most boring human in the world as I stare at them blankly as though the only words I can muster are “well, I’m finishing Orange is the New Black Season 3.”  Which is true, and I think it’s alright. Not as good as season 1, but what really is?

But there is a lot to share!

Today I finished day 12 of my challenge. The room was hot, beads of sweat burned my eyes, I took two breaks, but I finished. I want to tell you that it gets easier, but it doesn’t. Some days are easier (the days I take the “shorter” class, the 60 minute classes) some days are harder for no rhyme or reason. I have spoken to veterans of the practice that will tell you the exact same thing- maybe it’s what I ate before I went? Because I haven’t eaten in too long? I had too much water? Too little water? The time of the day? The humidity outside? The variables are extensive and have a great deal to do with your practice that day.

At the same time, there are constants.

I love hearing my heart beating in my ear and feeling my breath slow down as I’m practicing being mindful of my breathing. I love the exhaustion felt as my chest and stomach rises and falls in each savasana. I love reciting “namaste” to my teacher followed by the last savasana as the once brightly lit room has been dimmed and I can lay with zero thoughts, something I struggle with on a daily basis. I love when my practice is over and I stagger a bit out of the hot room to feel the sensation of the air conditioned studio. It is one of the best feelings I have ever experienced- 105 degrees to room temperature? Sign me up. This transition is a taste of heaven and it’s a reminder that you are a survivor of Bikram. And you do more than just watch hours of television.

It isn’t easy. If it was easy everyone would do it. And remember, only boring people are bored!

Now, off to the city to watch my little brother do improv- now that’s brave!

Savasana Forever

How lovely and fortunate am I to be sitting on my porch at 8:00 p.m. outside, sans shoes or socks, listening to the water to my right and the street to my left.

Tonight I sit with a sense of calm. Since the race, a short two days, I’ve had the ability to choose what I want to do, when I want to do it. Once I committed to the run, it somehow took over my thoughts and existence. Scheduling in training time and sacrificing plans in order to meet the demands I set upon myself somehow wasn’t that much fun. In the mix and excitement of training for the race, I lost my passion and enthusiasm for running. What a hard pill to swallow.

Last night I went to yoga to zen out and clear my mind. I wanted to just melt into the floor and allow my body to just exist. Running is so physically strenuous and demanding that simply existing doesn’t happen with training. Now, this is part of what I love about running- it’s a challenge against myself. But, it’s also what I hate. Sometimes I just wanna be. And melt. And now, with the absence of a running schedule to follow, my life seems less controlled.

What it keeps coming back to is balance in life. Too much yoga, too much running, too much scheduling, and penciling in and I feel like I lose me. I lose my autonomy because I am suddenly controlled by expectations set to a timer in my cell phone of things to do and people to see.

Maybe I need to grow up and accept certain responsibilities, but I also want certain freedoms if I can maintain them. Last night as I laid in savasana, I disappeared in my brain to a far away place. The idea of getting out of savasana seemed like a cruel trick, just let me stay a little longer.

Practice Makes you Closer to Perfect

The room was nearly black with only the melodically changing traffic light peering through the window. We sat in the silence of savasana and in that moment, in my breath, I knew that going to yoga tonight was necessary.

I’ve been fully focused on my running endeavors while neglecting my yoga classes and as I entered class I recognized my dedication to running has put a damper on my ability. What they say is true- practice makes perfect. Or at least near perfect. Balance. There needs to be balance, and yoga helps establish that equilibrium in my life. I need to remember that when I get wrapped up in my training.

Tonight, for the first time, I did crow pose, and I did it twice. Remember that time I uttered the words “crow hell no“- well, never say never. My body understood the posture and I felt the comfort within it. Going to class was the right decision.