Listless with Lupus

The title says it all and it reads like the saddest dating tag on match.com that you have ever seen.

I just feel like letting it all hang out. In the writing sense. Does that exist in this world anymore? A place where one can shout as loud as they want without worry of judgement?

Why listless with lupus? I have a theory that it’s that smack-dab in the middle of summer blues that is getting to me. My zest for life that started this blog was recently traded in for a brand new model: fear. I swing between thrilled about living and listless. What if I can’t? 

So, I realized I needed to get an effin grip and grow the eff up. That’s why I’m not using curses, I’m a grown up now, people!

That being said, I was determined to get back into a healthier lifestyle, one in which I was conscientious about taking my medicine, going to doctors appointments, and listening to my body. Because I am an adult. I repeat, I am an adult.

And that’s where I found myself at a crossroads: a thirty day Bikram yoga challenge!

Q: But what happened to running?

A: Quite frankly bored with running. Here we go again, one leg goes in front of the other leg at a faster pace than when I was walking. I’m not saying I am done with running, we are just taking a break. 

Back to the new fad I’m seeing: Bikram. 105 degree room, 26 poses, and sweating from places you didn’t know could sweat. I kid you not, you can watch beads of sweat forming. Bring a towel, you will need one.

It will be a good idea they said, try it they said. I love a good competition- against myself, friends, enemies, my dog, I don’t care. If you give me a challenge and I accept it, game on.

Q: How is this challenge going?

A: … 

Day 1: Walk in to the studio and I learn they have shorter classes than they used to. Instead of 90 minutes of hell, you can go for 60! Wonderful! To be honest the 60 minutes was exactly what I needed and while I didn’t complete every posture, I walked out feeling confident in the next day. 

Day 2: Go big or go home. 90 minutes it is, I want the experience (I tell myself.) I don’t necessarily regret the experience, but I accept that 60 minutes is completely acceptable. I even decide if those are the only classes I am able to attend I can’t beat myself up over it. 

Day 3: Before I leave for class I have John take my picture because you best believe I have every intention in monitoring my progress. I refuse to weigh myself, but damn straight I want to see those love handles melt away and six-pack abs replace my “she is an adorable pregnant girl” belly. 

Day 4: I got this

Day 5: I got this

Day 6: I got this so much I am going to take a picture and send it to my mom! I am actually at a point where I have filled out an entire first line on the challenge card. Only four to go. I try convincing myself that’s the wrong way to look at things but the Debbie Downer in me wants no part in any of my excitement. Additionally, as I’m walking in to this 60 minute class a girl goes, “I usually only do the 90 minutes…but…” and I feel like a failure. The class goes well, but I bolt out of the door because I have a wedding to be at in one hour. 

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Day 7: I got this.

Day 8: I cannot explain enough that this was the worst class. At the end of class my friend told me she got through class by imagining ways to make me laugh. The first thing she said to me was actually, “so wasn’t that the best class yet?” We cannot pinpoint why it was such a bad class, but it was. 

Day 9: I’m enjoying class and then I feel this pinch. I spend the rest of the night into today hobbling around like a little old lady with sciatica, which I’m pretty sure is exactly what I am right now.

Day 10: Here I am. Drinking water and debating my next move. Do I give up? Do I push myself? Is this lupus or sciatica? Am I just crazy (side note: yes, but it’s unrelated) Can I just lay on the mat for 90 minutes? More to come my friends. More. To. Come.

Sincerely,

Listless with Lupus

Wanderlust Festival

wan·der·lust
ˈwändərˌləst/
noun
a strong desire to travel.
“a man consumed by wanderlust”

On Saturday, September 13, Jess and I packed up our yoga mats and headed out to board a train to Brooklyn’s Wanderlust Festival.

Wanderlust 108 is a mindful triathlon, combining a 5k run, an inspirational meditation, and a massive outdoor yoga class.
Gather your friends for a day of live music, mindful movement, healthy food, retro yard games and a few surprises.

– See more at: http://brooklyn.wanderlustfestival.com/about-wanderlust-108#sthash.ekzRxGIv.dpuf

Tickets ranged from FREE if you skipped the 5k and the gift bag to $40 to have the full experience to $80 if you forgot to sign up when you were supposed to… like I did. Yep, I waited until the last minute again so I signed up for a free ticket the night before and figured I could still enjoy my day in Brooklyn.

The morning of did not start out as intended as I realized, while passing our stop, that we passed our stop. Deep yogi breath, please. Grant me the serenity to not go ham on a stranger. One hour out of our way later and we stepped into a new world, one with brownstones and trees lining the streets- Toto, we weren’t in the south shore of Long Island anymore. Follow the yellow brick road, just kidding, follow the lulu lemon gear.

When we arrived at the pearly black gates of prospect park we were amazed to find that Brooklyn is actually much nicer than we anticipated. People from Long Island rarely go OTB (over the bridge) so it was a nice change of scenery. Though I had my sneakers in my backpack I figured I would skip the run and wander around the shops by myself until Jess was done. She would have none of that…Needless to say I found myself running next to Jess for the 5k. Can’t keep me down!

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Though she’s not a runner herself she’s a bikram regular and a yoga instructor- girls got strength both mentally and physically. Though she says she felt muscles she never feels in yoga and that she was sore, I don’t buy it. She rocked the run and then we meandered around yuppies, and puppies, and people dancing with hoola hoops for a few hours.

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The best thing about festivals… Ok, maybe not for you, but I love free stuff. I can’t help it- you are going to give me headphones that say Kashi on the side of them, I’m going to take it. You want me to try your new flavor of Zico , fine. You want me to eat you densely packed protein Greek frozen yogurt, no prob, bob. I will take this off of your hands. We even waited in line for over one hour for a free yoga towel for your mat from Manduka. All we had to do was SMILE:

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And lose an hour of our lives… But that’s neither here nor there.

Then the time came for yoga. And the sky opened up. A light drizzle. Continued light drizzle. Slipping on my mat. A densely packed drizzle… Now it’s just rain. And we continued to practice.

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A new bucket list item: practice yoga in the rain. Check. And yes it was a nice life experience, especially dancing in the rain afterwards, but let’s not be cutesy for a second- it was cold! The park cleared out faster than a college party after they kick the keg. Back to the train… This time the right one.

As we headed home, shivering, we were smiling and exhausted. It was a great day. Making your practice, whether it’s running, yoga, whatever, a part of your social life makes it an even better experience. Find something that brings you joy in life and figure out how to never stop loving it.